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Title: Have you ever...
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Blog Entry: Have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you see? Have you ever turned on the news and not liked what was being broadcasted? Have you ever wanted something so bad you were willing to do anything to get it? I have. Everyday for months I woke and looked in the mirror and was so unhappy with who I was. After so many times of seeing myself and feeling the same thing, I decided I needed to change. And so I did. I began to work out, I gave up eating meat, I became more involved with my community. I worked harder and longer at everything I did. I wanted perfection, and so deserately to be loved. But the love I craved was none that could be given to me by just one person alone. I needed to be loved by everyone. I wanted to be the best at everything, and admiration was my goal. Everyday I wake up and put on the News, why I do not know. For it seems everyday there is but shear chaos and monstrousity to be reported. I'm so sick of all the neglegent, nonconsistent behavior of political figures. I absolutely dread going to the voting polls this election year. I haven't the slighest who I'd rather vote for, a democratic, ex-muslim with a bitchy woman for a running mate, or a man almost as old as dirt. It seems no matter which way I sway there is no right way, and right person to choose. WTF is really going on. The thing I want so badly in life is the one thing I've yet to receive. Happiness. I try and I try to find the small things that keep me happy. Yet still I am unable to truely pin point them. It seems as though everyday is a mere bore and I am nothing more than a pawn. My husband must hate me, what bitchy little fiend I've become. Always I want his attention, I need his love but I need the confrontation more. What sense is there in that? I want to be his perfect bride yet I am nothing close to it. Everyday I wake with the feeling of self loathing, for I am such a horrible wife. I am too greedy, and unpatient to be the good woman he deserves. Yet still I try to be better. When will this torment end and my ramblins beging to make sense? Never, now or never ?